A Mother’s Day Message From Valerie Sobel

Friends,

“Mothers hold their children’s hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.”

- Harriet Beecher Stowe

It all started on the darkest of all Mondays that anyone can ever imagine.  Now, 15 years later, I have the privilege to help those whose black Monday is on a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday.

My son Andre was not quite 18 at the time when he complained of having double vision.  Four hundred twenty-seven days later, he lost the fight against what turned out to have been an inoperable brain tumor. On this Mother’s Day, I recall that “Mom” was the first word that Andre said when he learned to speak. It was also the last. On this Mother’s Day, I also wish to remember the unseen legion of mothers who at this minute are facing their child’s terminal illness alone.

Establishing the mission that bears my child’s name has set in motion the work of the Andre Sobel River of Life Foundation (ASRL). We carry out a unique purpose that I, his mother, came to understand when I saw children die alone. Why? Because these were children of single parents who could not afford to be at their child’s hospital bedside where they were most needed and wanted to be.

The plight of single mothers (and fathers) is the focus of ASRL. Now in our tenth year, we understand the extent of this population, and have become the foremost champion of their cause nationally. We understand that what we are fighting against is not the social injustice of neglect, but the phenomenon of LACK – that lack of funds can separate a sick child from his parents when he needs them most. Single parents often face the toughest of Sophie’s Choices:  stay at work to keep a paycheck or leave the job in order to be at their sick child’s beside.

Could there be anything that would keep a parent from jumping into the pool to save their child if he was drowning?

The onset of a grave illness does not have the drama of a critical moment in time. When a child is diagnosed with a life threatening illness, there is no poolside audience applauding the parent’s bravery. A single parent quickly becomes invisible as they themselves are drowning in the emotional, physical and financial ordeal. They become no one’s responsibility as they make medical choices and financial decisions alone. They soon begin to feel the limitations of options closing in around them.

In response, we at ASRL are very practical.  We don’t address their emotional battle or the medical battle that will be waged for the child’s survival. We fight for the survival of the caregiver, who is responsible for holding the family unit together. We lift urgent financial burdens that often are the last straw to crush them. We act within 24 hours to maintain the family’s dignity and often sanity by paying rents, mortgages, insurance, transportation, medications and often for funerals.  We address what is most urgent in a financial crisis that inevitably accompanies a medical catastrophe.  We  stop parents from having to make the impossible choices of balancing work with being with their critically ill child.

If you would like to give something different in honor of Mother’s Day or the special caregiver in your life, contribute financially to ASRL that we may continue to support those that are invisible.  Your help will allow us — who are willing to remain deeply responsible for these families —  to ensure that parent and child can be together when they must be together.

In appreciation and gratitude,

Valerie Sobel
Mother of Andre & Simone
Founder of ASRL